“Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda”

We all want to be a better version of who we were the year before.  We are eating healthier, working harder, and living life a little differently. As we ardently take on our transformation, the fact is we will be faced with a few challenges and depending on your mindset, you are either discouraged by those obstacles or you’re motivated to work harder!


As we reflect on where we’ve been and anticipate our next steps, many of us are probably thinking ” I should’ve done…”; we start to judge and we “should” on ourselves. We spend most of our time ruminating on what “should” have happened instead of celebrating what we did accomplish. We must change our language and not “should” on ourselves. The Oxford Dictionary defines should as (1) used to indicate obligation, duty, and correctness, typically when criticizing someone’s action. (2) Indicating a desirable or expected state. Take that in for a minute… Does that mean that when we use the word “should”, we are criticizing others and ourselves? That is definitely what I interpreted.


The word “should” is full of regret and rejection, its disappointment and expectation. It says that I am expected to be X and if I am not, I am a failure and I feel disappointed (in myself and others). When we “should” on ourselves, we don’t allow ourselves to be grateful and we are communicating that same message to the universe. “Should” blocks us from trusting the journey; everything happens for a reason and if you share that belief, “shoulding” on yourself is a contradiction.


So let me help you stop “shoulding” on yourself; it doesn’t work in your favor. Breaking habits are hard, even when the habits aren’t good for us.  When we struggle with making those changes, sometimes we need a little push and support from our loved ones. Well, I love you and I am grateful to share three tips that helped me refrain from “shoulding” on myself:


  1. Set goals and be flexible with deadlines (if applicable). If you need to readjust your benchmarks, be kind to yourself and give yourself permission to be malleable.  
  2. Reframe your words and change the way you talk to yourself (yes, we know you talk to yourself, we all do it and it’s okay). Use words of gratitude!! The moment you catch yourself using (or even thinking) the word “should”, reflect on what you have and say THANK YOU.
  3. Have FAITH and TRUST. Everything that happens to us happens for a reason. Your journey is uniquely made for you; comparing is a plea to be common.


You are a powerful, amazing, and extraordinary individual. As you go through life overcoming each obstacle, you are contributing toward your growth and you are actively walking in your journey.  I encourage you to stop “shoulding” on yourself so you can live in peace, trust the journey ahead, and be grateful for all that is designed especially for YOU.


Happy 2017


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